accountability

Oh the joy in having someone or something hold you accountable. It's something I think most of us can not manage without. We need community because we need accountability. Good ol' checks and balances.

I have made a few resolutions through much prayer of ways that I can sacrifice and stay continually in God's peace, light, joy, and new life. However, sacrifice is not an easy thing to be diligent and disciplined in. Hence, the need for accountability. My dear friend Joy has agreed to provide such a service for me and I will try my best to do the same for her.

I'm excited about this journey, not because I have high hopes that I will not mess up (as I already have!) but because I'm choosing to go on a journey instead of falling backwards thinking I can just be stagnant and complacent for the rest of my life. I'm choosing to try. I'm willing to take a risk, and every time I get discouraged, to continue journeying.

This past week was not the best in sacrifices and prayer time, but the beautiful thing about a Monday is that you have a whole new week ahead of you to surrender even greater than last week. What I must remember is that the "Lord will fight for me." (Exodus 14:14)

For those of you who are lacking community and accountability, I encourage you to find one person in your life who can call you on to greatness and vice versa, and ask them if it's something they will pray about as Joy did for me. Then just see what happens from there. Accountability begins with a choice to go on a journey and to desire more than a mediocre life. After all, Christ came that we may have life and have it abundantly! (John 10:10).

Christ's peace.

spring into new life

spring

It is the second Tuesday of Easter and I'm still rejoicing. Easter and Spring conjure up words like new life, resurrection, joy, peace, light, hope, beauty, colorful, warm, refreshing, rejuvenating, zeal, energy, encouragement, fervor, excitement, happiness, bloom, growth, birth, motivation, so on and so forth.

I feel like I am blooming, through every Lent and Holy Week, I put to death my flesh, and out of the dust and ashes emerges a resurrected Marie, a new creation in Christ. This Holy Thursday, suffering through Christ's passion was the worst and the best. Worst because Christ brought me along and gave me a sliver of His pain, His abandoment, His weakness, His humility, His darkness, His rejection, His sadness, His desolation. And best because it was being lived through Him via Holy Week. I suffered alongside Him.

Then as I waited upon His Resurrection, I found myself waiting upon my own resurrection. "Bring me up from this dry and weary place Lord. Give me new life. Let me start again, anew," became my cry, my patient plea. As the lights illuminated the Church and trumpets sounded as we celebrated on Easter Vigil, Saturday evening, we remembered the Faithful Father calling His Son from the dead and fulfilling His covenant, and just as promised He granted me new life, and all was joy and peace, light and life. I had been made a new creation once again in Him, the Love of my life. The peace was something I have not known for a long time and the joy is always refreshing my soul and lifting me out of the fog.

Of course, I am still a human being living on Earth, and until I've been called Home to God, I will always be walking through the darkness in a sense. However, I've been given a greater determination and motivation to call on the Saints and Angels. To pray and abide in the Lord. To give Him my morning and when I have failed to do that to give Him my failure and then offer up the moment I do have with Him. We can not waste a moment wallowing in what "could have been" or "what we should have done". We do not have the past, we do not have the future and why do we want them anyway because Christ does not reside there! He is only Here, right now, in this moment. The moment is a gift and we must cherish it.


I have been able to reflect more daily on all that I am grateful for. This has been a tremendous blessing. I bought a little journal a while back on clearance at Meijer. It said "Gratitude" on the cover and I thought, "...something I probably need more of in my life," and so purchased it and I have enjoyed putting it to good use! I will share the quote from one of my favorite authors which is on the inside of the journal when you open it:

"I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder." - G. K. Chesterton


I do not ever want to go back to that same place, that dark place, where the weight of gratifying my flesh came tumbling down on me. Though I am the reason my Love was nailed to a Tree and murdered, in His great mercy He lead me to that Tree and His Blood and Water gushed forth and cleansed this poor sinner's soul. He wants us to put to death our fleshly desires (i.e. - selfishness, pride, lust, etc.) not to make us miserable and to despair but in order that we may have "life and have it to the full" (John 10:10). I want to live in the Resurrection He offers NOW. I want to live constantly in joy and peace always rejoicing in His infinite mercy, giving thanks to Him who gives us all of our deepest longings and desires, if only we just ask.

"O blood and water, which gushed forth from the heart of Jesus as a fount of mercy for us, I trust in you. Amen." - Divine Mercy Prayer

I shall leave you with some more pictures I found to reflect this new life Christ has offered me and is offering you!

reflections of beauty

fall

I was reflecting on Fall today, smelling my pumpkin nutmeg pie candle and gazing at the multi-colored leaves out my window. Oh, how I love Fall. It seems almost cliche, but I do. God spoils us during this season. I was looking at the Etsy website not to buy anything, but simply to admire others' creations, how fun. Here are some of my findings:

Another thing I love about Autumn is that it brings out rich colors and layers in a wardrobe. Here are some creative and pretty pieces from Modcloth, Etsy, and Anthropologie:












October 16 I believe is the date the family is planning on heading to Gull Farms to have our annual apple picking, fresh donut eating, apple cider drinking, Autumn activity day! I swear I have had an experience similar to this since I was a wee one. I love everything about Fall, but I especially love how it brings the family together, specifically my family.





Reflecting on Autumn makes me realize how much I have to be grateful for everyday of my life. I have so much. I am abundant in blessings and I have a life to the full as God promised. He keeps me satisfied in Him. Went to Adoration last night with Mom and Danielle. He is my All.

Enjoy the weather.

family

I haven't written for such a long time. I think there has been a restlessness in me. I have not been still for a long time.

I listen to the Avett Brothers a whole lot these days. They sing to my soul and it speaks to me. Not too long ago I heard this song for the first time, "Murder In the City," and I was excited to hear someone sing a song to their family in case they were to die unexpectedly. Excited may not seem like the appropriate word, but I felt this because I too have desires to share with my family my wishes if I happen to die unexpectedly. Ha, I guess this might seem to be a morbid post of sorts.

The thing is, just as in the lyrics of this song, "no need to get alarmed, I'm coming home." I feel so abundantly blessed and rich in my life that if it should be my time, I would be ready to go. I guess since it isn't my time, not right now anyway, I should live this line "always remember there was nothing worth sharing like the love that let us share our name," in it's truth.

Family. We didn't choose our family. God chose them for us. They are a gift. Sometimes family can be burdensome. Sometimes people reject the gift, sometimes people refuse to be the gift to their family, but it is undeniable that we are all called to share our name during our earthly life for a reason. There have been many times in my short 23 years of life that I have wanted to reject the gift of family, because I didn't understand it, it seemed to be too much work to be in relationship with so many people. I didn't realize and sometimes forget that I need them to remind me that I've been called to be a gift, and they need me to do the same.

Always remember there was nothing worth sharing like the love that let us share our name.

i feel like a porcupine baby

How could this even be so, you may ask?

Well, here's the thing. I have been having a hard time lately, and I am realizing that I am a lot like a baby porcupine. Look how stinkin cute they are all scrunched up inside themselves just waiting to develop into a fully grown porcupine, which hopefully the analogy doesn't carry on to that point. But at this stage, just cute little scrunched up harmless baby porcupines, until you look at what is protecting them, this outer shell, not too harmful when placed carefully in one's hand, but if touched too close, is sure to prick you.

Similarly, I am, at the core, a genuinely good, harmless, loving, and lovable human being. However, there is this unfortunate outer shell I use to protect myself, somewhat subconsciously, when I feel as though someone is not carefully approaching my heart, my personal space. With those who grow particularly close to me and have access to the depths of who I am, I can have a tendency to put up the defenses and they are not just walls, they are prickly thorns like those of the porcupine babies pictured above.

Just like everyone else in this world, I have been hurt, I have been wounded, it's called sin. Whether it was mine, someone else's, or the combination of the two, I am wounded, I was born wounded.

What is the solution to such an unfortunate cycle of acting out of my wounds every time I feel my person-hood and dignity is threatened?

Grace.

Grace is like the hand of this person holding these little babies. It is God's gentle, merciful grip carrying us, affirming and reassuring us of His constant and steady Presence in our lives. It is His grace that shields us from pricking, hurting one another so that no matter how close I grow to another, they are protected by grace when my wounds are exposed.

I ask for grace this night. Lord, grant me the grace.

Amen.

Freelance Whales - Generator 1st Floor

I just love this attempted communal music experience. Good band, great song.

Lisa Gungor - "Jesus And John"

Here's one more. Just because it's beautiful. Listen to the whole thing though.