reflections of beauty

fall

I was reflecting on Fall today, smelling my pumpkin nutmeg pie candle and gazing at the multi-colored leaves out my window. Oh, how I love Fall. It seems almost cliche, but I do. God spoils us during this season. I was looking at the Etsy website not to buy anything, but simply to admire others' creations, how fun. Here are some of my findings:

Another thing I love about Autumn is that it brings out rich colors and layers in a wardrobe. Here are some creative and pretty pieces from Modcloth, Etsy, and Anthropologie:












October 16 I believe is the date the family is planning on heading to Gull Farms to have our annual apple picking, fresh donut eating, apple cider drinking, Autumn activity day! I swear I have had an experience similar to this since I was a wee one. I love everything about Fall, but I especially love how it brings the family together, specifically my family.





Reflecting on Autumn makes me realize how much I have to be grateful for everyday of my life. I have so much. I am abundant in blessings and I have a life to the full as God promised. He keeps me satisfied in Him. Went to Adoration last night with Mom and Danielle. He is my All.

Enjoy the weather.

family

I haven't written for such a long time. I think there has been a restlessness in me. I have not been still for a long time.

I listen to the Avett Brothers a whole lot these days. They sing to my soul and it speaks to me. Not too long ago I heard this song for the first time, "Murder In the City," and I was excited to hear someone sing a song to their family in case they were to die unexpectedly. Excited may not seem like the appropriate word, but I felt this because I too have desires to share with my family my wishes if I happen to die unexpectedly. Ha, I guess this might seem to be a morbid post of sorts.

The thing is, just as in the lyrics of this song, "no need to get alarmed, I'm coming home." I feel so abundantly blessed and rich in my life that if it should be my time, I would be ready to go. I guess since it isn't my time, not right now anyway, I should live this line "always remember there was nothing worth sharing like the love that let us share our name," in it's truth.

Family. We didn't choose our family. God chose them for us. They are a gift. Sometimes family can be burdensome. Sometimes people reject the gift, sometimes people refuse to be the gift to their family, but it is undeniable that we are all called to share our name during our earthly life for a reason. There have been many times in my short 23 years of life that I have wanted to reject the gift of family, because I didn't understand it, it seemed to be too much work to be in relationship with so many people. I didn't realize and sometimes forget that I need them to remind me that I've been called to be a gift, and they need me to do the same.

Always remember there was nothing worth sharing like the love that let us share our name.

i feel like a porcupine baby

How could this even be so, you may ask?

Well, here's the thing. I have been having a hard time lately, and I am realizing that I am a lot like a baby porcupine. Look how stinkin cute they are all scrunched up inside themselves just waiting to develop into a fully grown porcupine, which hopefully the analogy doesn't carry on to that point. But at this stage, just cute little scrunched up harmless baby porcupines, until you look at what is protecting them, this outer shell, not too harmful when placed carefully in one's hand, but if touched too close, is sure to prick you.

Similarly, I am, at the core, a genuinely good, harmless, loving, and lovable human being. However, there is this unfortunate outer shell I use to protect myself, somewhat subconsciously, when I feel as though someone is not carefully approaching my heart, my personal space. With those who grow particularly close to me and have access to the depths of who I am, I can have a tendency to put up the defenses and they are not just walls, they are prickly thorns like those of the porcupine babies pictured above.

Just like everyone else in this world, I have been hurt, I have been wounded, it's called sin. Whether it was mine, someone else's, or the combination of the two, I am wounded, I was born wounded.

What is the solution to such an unfortunate cycle of acting out of my wounds every time I feel my person-hood and dignity is threatened?

Grace.

Grace is like the hand of this person holding these little babies. It is God's gentle, merciful grip carrying us, affirming and reassuring us of His constant and steady Presence in our lives. It is His grace that shields us from pricking, hurting one another so that no matter how close I grow to another, they are protected by grace when my wounds are exposed.

I ask for grace this night. Lord, grant me the grace.

Amen.

Freelance Whales - Generator 1st Floor

I just love this attempted communal music experience. Good band, great song.

Lisa Gungor - "Jesus And John"

Here's one more. Just because it's beautiful. Listen to the whole thing though.

song of the moment

Gungor - You Have Me

So this song gets me. This is where I am right now. I sing it in the car a lot and get very into it, feeling it in the depths, coming from the soul while singing harmonies at the end as it builds.

you have me.

here comes the sun...

Yes it is here. And it is humid heat. Nothing to complain about though, Summer weather brings about many opportunities for fun and adventure with the fam.

Already we have had a party in the park, walked through Binder Park Zoo, had a cookout/bonfire, and so there are many adventures to come.

Oh how I love the zoo. I just can't get over how unique every animal is. I love looking back at the pictures Danielle took (she takes all of them by the way), and just study the animals in awe of how our God could be so creative. My favorite of all of God's creatures as far as animals go is the giraffe. What a wonder. Their long necks, vibrant colors, and eccentric pattern testify to our perfect God who does not make mistakes. He may make each of us incredible unique and unrepeatable from the next, but He certainly never makes mistakes.

These are not from the zoo but they are incredible. When my family went to my grandma's house to clean up her house and yard, they found this bird who stood so erect and so serene. He was still enough for her to take over a dozen pictures and he sat in many different positions undisturbed. Incredible. I love nature.

Wow. Enjoy these pictures. Take them in...wonder.

Children

God knows I love them.

I read a great article by Rabbi Shmuley about the world's contempt for
children today. It's so sad, but it is true that so many people in our society today are disgusted by the fact that people have or have a desire for large families. Truly what is wrong with the idea of a large family? I have never heard one GOOD reason.
Here is the article if you wish to read: Article on children

(Bottom) Melissa is so full of energy (all the time!). She is quick thinking and fearless. She knows what she wants and likes (at least she thinks she does). She loves her blanky and looks great in those pink cowgirl boots you see in this picture. Don't mistake her for being a toddler of any sort because she will immediately correct you and let you know, "I'm a BIG GIRL!" She is truly one of a kind in the most special way.
(Top) Max is a sweetheart. His masculinity shows through in his love for throwing and playing with balls and will get just as excited as his dad when a sport comes on the TV. At the same time, he is so lovable, very cuddly (he'll tuck his hands into your chest when you hold him belly to chest). He has a great smile, the most precious curls, is so very intelligent and quick to understand, has a great memory, and loves to begin sentences clearly and end them with complete nonsense. He's handsome too :-).













Nolan is a joy. As soon as he enters he lights up the room and fills it with excitement. He loves to wrestle, throws toys and objects up against the wall or around the room (to show off his strength i suppose??), and when he's really having fun he gets this feisty grin and runs toward ya roaring like a monster. He loves Yo Gabba Gabba and Robots. IF I had favorites he'd be one of them ;-). He's just so fun and he loves to talk which is just adorable.

Mimi or Marie is a doll. Just look at her, she looks like she walked off of a set of a Jane Austen film. Ever since she was a baby she had a tenderness, and loveliness about her. She has a high pitched delicate little voice, but says so much when she speaks. She is so nurturing - she loves taking care of her siblings, especially her baby sister, Jane. She can be mischievous at times, but her mischief usually goes hand in hand with her courage. She is daring, no reservations, yet she is refined in her demeanor. She has the curliest blonde hair, the kind I always wanted as a curly-haired girl myself growing up.
Left (on left) Renee One of my two God-daughters. She has the ability to speak so soft and sweet and then in a matter of seconds speak louder than anyone in the room. She is creative, always coming up with new characters (whether a rock-star or superhero she can play anything!). She is a teacher and a good big sister. She takes good care of her baby brother, Anthony. She has the most beautiful blue eyes, a lovely smile, and is shy at first but once you get a little crazy with her, she will love you forever.
Vera is quite the character and has been since day one. She has always had a voice like a little granny, but is so sweet and cute that there's no mistaking her for an adorable little lady. She has a unique style (like her aunt), but is very particular about what she wears! (like her aunt). When she was younger she had little things she would say that would make your heart melt like "baby soup" instead of bathing suit and whenever you'd ask her a question she'd respond with "mm, maybe later (but replace the l with a w)". Somehow she still manages to have the attitude of a youngest sibling (though she is 3 of 5). She is loving, very laid back, and thrives off of one on one time.
(Right) Dominic is darling. He is my God-son. He has a lovable demeanor, so cuddly and sweet. He is playful and has an endearing smile. He's not a trouble-maker nor do I think that is something he will ever be known for (time will tell ;-)) and he has an adventurous spirit - at the zoo he wanted to climb to the giant slide with all the other big kids and was so determined to do so. I'm excited to see how this little man grows and how his character develops.
Isabel is my girly girl. She's my niece-bestie. We do a lot together and have so much fun. She likes pretty things, but she is wise and has her Mother's emotional intelligence. She is a magnificent older sister, and helps with everything around the house and with the kids. She has such a good-natured heart and is good at judging right from wrong. She has a genuine laugh and a gentle spirit. I love spending time with her.

Children are a blessing. They are a gift. They are who help me to desire innocence and to be a child in the arms of my Father in Heaven. They help me to let go, abandon myself to Him, and live in true freedom. They remind me of what living really is all about. It's about being like children - so trusting, so pure, so full of joy and love. Our society would be cold-hearted and dull without them. They are not just our future, they are our present. They help us to be present to the life we have been called to live. To live in the moment that God has given us. I love my twenty-six nieces and nephews. It saddens me how often I can take them for granted, but I pray, especially in these times I get to be with them so intimately that I soak in and learn from everything it is they have to teach me about Life, about Love, about God.











Thank the Lord for children.

I watched this video today after I heard this song for the first time on my pandora playlist. I set it to Welcome Wagon and this is one of the songs they brought up. I love it. Thank you Lord for creating people and giving them gifts for creative expression.

I would like to write more. Now the phrase "Don't talk about it, Be about it," is flashing in my mind. Well okay then.

Isn't he adorable? The answer is yes. Yes, Max is adorable. He makes me swoon. Seriously, you have to see this boy in action - he's so full of life and joy and silliness.

I love my nieces and nephews - they help to keep me in a spirit of gratitude. It's absurd the thought of ever not being grateful with the life that I have. Yet I still take things and people for granted from time to time when I am so truly blessed. I'm humbled by the blessings in my life.

I have a wonderful family, who definitely can be dysfunctional like most families, but are generally pretty incredible, dynamic, and always surprising.


I have a wonderful boyfriend who is so loving and affirming. And boy do I miss him.


I have friends near and far who are always there for me. Not much comes close to a reliable, loving, honest friend.

Oh God is good.

So this is day one of blogging for me. We'll see how this goes. Should be doing work so I'll just get back to that then and leave this void in anticipation for my first real post.

It's a drizzly day.

God is good.